I had a lecture this week in Literature about the Penal Settlement, written by Kafka.
This is a most disturbing and morbid story of one mans torture by a machine that is pretty much being sold by an officer. There are people standing around witnessing a demonstration of how the torture machine works. It is most gruesome and I am reluctant to go into much further detail.
The lecture then went on a turn into the Nazi regime, the Holicaust and much more. We began to discuss what it is psychologically that entices a human being to watch such things are these..people being tortured, car accidents, fires, etc.
Is it a sense of 'fuckedupedness"?? Or is it just plain curiosity.
As you all know, there was a car accident out the front of my home last week. I was so drawn to it, I was standing there outside and I actually had an analytical moment where I wondered to myself 'why is it that I am standing here? What am i waiting to see?' I shared this with the class and the lecturer asked was it because of the 'there but for the grace of God go I' factor, but I think it was more than that.
Being so close to a possible mortality/ fatality was a strange experience. Its not something that happens in my street or in my front yard for that matter, every day. If it was, I doubt it would be so interesting.
It was almost like a spiritual experience or some kind of outer body thing. Not sure how to describe it really.
I went home last night and I thought about the human experience and how we are all so very different. I do believe that the way we interpret things, see things, calculate things, react and respond to things is determined by our pasts, the way we were raised, our conditioning, etc.
Interesting that I open many magazines and read about peoples trauma stories, real tragedies and yet I am not amazed or surprised. I dont see alot of these things as an overwhelming experience, however this is because I grew up in a home where these kind of things happened every single day. Sexual abuse, physical fights, broken limbs from being attacked, captivation..the list goes on.
I meet people all the time who talk about something bad in their lives and I dont tell them how to live or what to do, I just listen and relate. I have seen, however, people that havent had too much trauma in their lives react with utter shock and dismay. Makes me chuckle.
Back to the watching trauma thing, I think children are completely different. There is the wow factor such as seeing an ambulance drive by and wanting to follow it..we have television programs where we want to see people fight 'Jerry Springer', etc. We watch these things and just roll our eyes in pity..perhaps. But I cannot believe a stable well balanced child would deliberately want to view a killing or a torture, etc. Kafkas Penal Settlement talked about the officer bragging that as someone is being tortured and killed, the children are to be given preference as to where they want to sit for the viewing, as it is important for them to witness 'justice'. I wonder if the children would actually become conditioned to see it this way, rather than to be traumatised by what theyre seeing..
There are websites that alolow you to view murdered people, severed limbs, morgue photographs of celebrities,etc..AURGH. So sad. I personally, even having the horrid background I have, would never be able to witness such things as I would be left well and truly disturbed for a very long time. My brain would be severely impressed.
I do not understand the thrill of horror movies, where peole are decapitated, skinned, choked, raped, stabbed, eaten..I mean COME ON..I can get my thrills elsewhere. I dont get it.
I dont want to incriminate myself by saying this, but I will..I often get put off by men who like to watch horror..I dont understand it.
What do you think?
I have pondered this topic many a time.
We live in a society where we are pretty much brain washed into being slaves. I mean, it starts when we are young. I was raised with a strong work ethic..I come from a family that believe in working your guts out in a job youre not really happy in, just for the money. it doesnt matter what you do or where you do it, how you feel about it or how youre treated, as long as you work bloody hard and make good money, no matter what. I have watched people slave their guts out while their spirit dwindles away.
I wonder how many people actually work in jobs they enjoy and are passionate about? This observation doesnt stop with my family, it is everywhere, our world is riddled with it.
How many people do you know that use their occupation to define who they are? Interesting that when we ask a child who they are, they respond with their name and how old they are. Ask an adult the same question, they more often than not respond with their name and what they do for a living..e.g I am Joe Blow and Im a pharmicist.
I am guilty of this..
I am a single parent. I chose to stay at home with my daughter for the first four years of her life. Obviously, this meant that I was supported by Centrelink payments or 'welfare'. I was often ashamed of that..why wouldnt I be? The stigma out there attached to benefit recievers is extremely prominent in the media for example. Do I not pay taxes? Do I not pay GST? I chose to pay taxes on my payments also, which is optional. But I still felt less than the average human being because I didnt work.
When my child was 4, I went back to work full time. I had to pay for full time care, have my child raised by other adults whilst I went to care for other peoples children (child care). Does that make sense??
I was then made to feel guilty by other parents, media, family etc for being a parent that works full time. I went to working part time, even though i would have been better off to not work at all, financially.
I now work part time in a town 30 minutes from where I live. I pay an extra $200 in fuel a month, pay $170 for child care per month and get paid $500 per month from my job. Not to mention having to pay $130 for a first aid certificate that is compulsory, a food handlers course, inservice training, etc. AND I do not recieve annual leave or sick leave. I study FULL TIME at university which costs me $600 a year in books which I cannot claim on tax. Nor can I claim my fuel back on tax because here in Australia, we have to be prepared to travel up to 80KMs a day to work.
The whole above paragraph makes me miserable. I struggle to work and study and raise a child but I do it because I want a better future.
I have resigned from my job three times in the last few years because I wanted to be able to focus soley on study, but then someone makes one little comment about not working, making me bad or wrong for it and I crumble.
I resigned from my job last week. Jesus, let it be for real this time!!!!
Next year is my last year of university before I begin teaching. I am looking forward to taking a year off work and working hard on my future, getting involved in my childs schooling, helping out and becoming a more active parent. I have made sure that financially I can cope..but not working is just such a sensitive bloody issue and it shouldnt be that way!!!!!
Whyyyyyy is it NOT OKAY for a person to do what they choose with their life?? Why have we been living in a society that makes someone who doesnt work a 'bludger'?? I mean come on, it cannot be a generalised statement.
I have a girlfriend who doesnt work for other people. She is working on getting a book published and becoming an artist (I believe she already has achieved so much) but she often suffers and struggles with outside judgments because she enjoys her life and takes her time. This happens all the time!!
I fear the time when someone asks me what where I work and I say 'oh, I dont work..I study'...AURGH should I feel bad about that??????
I dont want to waste my life doing what everyone else expects of me, but I struggle with this partly because of the home that I grew up in, partly because of my feelings of inadequacy if I dont do what society expects and partly because I am afraid of your judgment!
My name is Kristy. I am intelligent, loving, respectful and compassionate. I love being with people, my passion is music and teaching. I love children, believe they are an integral part of our future. I have a beautiful daughter and I live in country VIC.
I am a survivor of abuse, addiction and I am working hard on creating a better future for myself and my child.
Isnt that better than this..
I am Kristy and I am a child care worker.
BLAUGH.
Job Satisfaction Statistics
A recent Harris Interactive survey* uncovered the following statistics on American job satisfaction:
– Across America, 45 percent of workers say they are either satisfied or extremely satisfied with their jobs
– Only 20 percent feel very passionate about their jobs
– 33 percent believe they have reached a dead end in their career
– 21 percent are eager to change careers
– Older workers are the most satisfied and the most engaged in their work
– Younger workers are the most distressed and they feel the least amount of loyalty to their employers
– Small firm employees feel far more engaged in their work than their corporate counterparts
– Job security, health care coverage and professional development are valued above additional compensation
http://www.careervision.org/About/PDFs/MR_JobSatisfaction.pdf
In summing up, it takes the most guts to be what we want to be, pursue our real dreams. I dont want to be one of the many people in our world that sacrafices my real passions to work my guts out in a shitty job I HATE. It will crush my spirit.
I am sure I was created to enjoy life, not feel its a necessity. i refuse to work like a slave until Im in my late years to retire. I want to live NOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK???
Jecca Zane
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